Friday, February 27, 2009


Spiritual transformation of the self, is the only attempt, presently, one can make towards happiness and peace within the present self called I, or Me. Only this transformation of this I-ness can make this Me-ness, experience Happi-ness.

This is the way I see it, as I (being understood in a conventional paradigm of metaphysics, “personhood” existing in modern space/time/cultural reality) understand this situation. You “the reader, audience, otherness, one or more wavicles” (reference to quantum physical realm, of the collective consciousness/unconsciousness) may see it otherwise and your perception, opinion, interpretation, feeing; is your reality.

Attempts at “outer transformation” are dangerous missions, that I’ve come to believe are not worth the risks to good people. Fears inside potential activists, fomenters of change, motivated do-gooders, true believers in peace, are merited fears. To not recognize that challenging powers that be is a huge risk, is a gross underestimation of the long tail in human unkind-ness that will squelch real threats to status quo/special interests entrenched.

If the God above, around us and within us, however it may manifest itself, through Christ’s return, a Buddhic awakening, a harmonic convergence, a unity of one human race; if this God, a true omniscient, omnipresent force wants to transform global humanity to peaceful harmony, it alone could be the only modus operandi to accomplish such an epic, global, visionary, presence. Human weakness, the lesser qualities of human nature and behavior, preclude the overcoming of such a formidable stone wall erected to stop human social evolution to a peaceful and harmonious sphere.

My greatest hope, and that of countless historic sages, priests, great Christians, noble Buddhists, shamans, mystics, humanists, healers, humanitarians, self-less beings, and other seekers of truth and love: is that the human species will evolve to a peaceful place of harmony and mutual respect and appreciation. Perhaps one day weaponry can be dismantled, distrust can become dissolved and a spiritual blossoming of humanity’s greatest potential may emerge. Is a lasting peace possible? Must a real or proverbial Armageddon occur before this could happen? It is a great hope, one doubted in my own mind and in the minds of many thinkers, social critics, curmudgeons and realists alike. Hope is all that’s left, and it’s damn hard to even be very hopeful. When I saw the Rev. Jesse Jackson speak in front of the US Capital when I was in college, his mantra was “keep hope alive”.

The present realities of factionalism, conflict, aggression, selfishness, greed and environmental degradation do not point in the direction of such a harmony coalescing. Religious friction abounds, economic competition for resources, cultural clashes between the West and Islam, specters of further nuclear proliferation, fear of bioterror and other insidious maladies of modern creation. The best minds have brought us wonderful technologies allowing life to be more efficient and comfortable yet have provided unprecedented destructive capabalilities. If only we could trust all the leaders of state in all countries. But we are aware of the dark side of possible horrific acts rooted in hatred. I am saddened by such things and truly hope a higher power is in charge and overseeing the peaceful evolution of humanity.

Why must God, the cosmic consciousness, energy-being, prime mover, allow the world to suffer, why must humanity suffer as it has and does? Is this some sort of cruel trick or random evolution/de-evolution? Fear of an existential absurd reality, of a lonely and isolated planet theory, do not calm the mind and offer hope to the heart.

The reality is that it is not possible at this point in human evolution/technology to transform humankind, society, civilization, or our collective consciousness/unconsciousness. Humanity is deeply rooted in sectarianism, separations both real and perpetuated, (religion, ethnicity, age, looks, social status, class, socioeconomic status, gender, and the myriad other differences that I do not have the time to list).

Brave souls like Jesus, Gandhi, MLK, The Buddha and others; who have attempted transformation of humanity; have been destroyed after pursuing their failed quests. Entering the political realm with dreams of social/political transformation is not the way to Win Friends and Influence People. It is surely a way of eliciting a response from threatened interest groups or persons. Likely a violent retribution for such transgression will result. There may be a reactionary desire of some powerful elites to attack and destroy such a person or movement.

Is this the never ending sad, repeated story of humankind, human unkind? So many, at least superficially, and many quite earnestly in belief, profess to be Christ like, yet the moment an historic figure translates such ideas into social/political reality, it is met with disgust, repression and destruction. The almighty dollar or status quo of some groups or person may be challenged.

Just try going around with an open mind about people, do not make assumptions, do not assume, suspend judgment, you may do so but you may quickly find you are the object of judgment. Living with an open mind is against the grain, so much and so many are of a conformist bent. Narrow (even fully closed) minds abound. Thinking for oneself is hard work, unsettling at times; it is not a security blanket for a docile follower who has relinquished control of their own mind to the prepackaged religious or otherwise static explanations of reality and the question of why we are here on Earth. Questioning is frowned upon.

However, without change, new inventions, new technologies, new ideas, we would still be lighting fires with sticks in caves thinking the world was flat. Bringing truth out seems to be such a radical idea, it has always been. People who try to change just about anything are met with resistance, are sometimes ridiculed and opposed. But as a great quote says, the truth is later accepted after it has been opposed and ridiculed, as being self-evident.

I reiterate, if the supreme being, God, the prime mover wants humanity to reach truth, justice, peace, or whatever advanced evolutionary state it conceives to be of worthy confluence, only it may bring this change about. I do not have faith in the power of man, or woman, individually or collectively to bring about such a transformation. Humans are, rather unfortunately: aggressive, selfish, conflict-prone, territorial, egotistical, greedy, sneaky, manipulative, sometimes destructive, short-sighted, fearful, emotionally and psychologically sickened and spiritually disinterested as a whole. The material world drives the mass consumption mentality.

Why should people worry or live as if concerned about future generations of humans when they are so caught up in the present indulgences of their desires; of material goods, status, pleasure and ego-gratification? We are fully operating on our planet as if future beings do not matter and that everything here is to be used up now for our pleasure and entertainment. Several previous advanced civilizations surely believed in “treading lightly on the Earth”. For both humanitarian and spiritually higher purposes.

Yet hope remains. As it has been said repeatedly, hope does spring eternal. In Viktor Frankl’s (Existential psychologist, writer, holocaust survivor, “Man’s Search for Meaning”) darkest moments imprisoned by the German Nazi’s, he found hope in the tiniest of objects and moments. These small things provided big meaning.

The definition of the verb hope (Merriam-Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary, 10th edition, 2000) is 1. To cherish a desire with anticipation 2. To expect with confidence: trust. The noun is defined: 1. Expectation of fulfillment or success. Hopeful is an adjective defined as 1. Having qualities which inspire hope. 2. Full of hope: inclined to hope. I only hope, (no pun intended) that whichever God/prime mover/omniscient, benevolent being, creator, you or I may believe in, that this God has given humankind hope for a reason. (Ironically I am hopeful because of the very existence of hope in people, for it hopefully serves a meaningful purpose in our human evolution/spiritual development.)

Perhaps hope is a spiritual/psychological or socially learned survival tool given to us by God to prepare us for great things to come; both in our personal lives and in the greater world. Hope that brings depth, meaning, love and peace to our internal hearts. A possible unfolding of the global, human drama and its potential culmination in a grand realization of real love, peace, collaboration, sustainability, harmony and recognition of our common humanity. Love for all, peace for all.

I explore these ideas, reflect on the realities of my life and the world around me and I make a conscious choice to love my fellow human beings regardless of any projected separating characteristics. I choose to love, to help, to be of service to my fellow sentient beings. I can only control my own thoughts and actions. I may influence others but have no control nor do I want control.

I can choose to be compassionate. To forgive those who have trespassed against me and to hope that I am forgiven by those I have harmed in the past. I want to have peace and love in my heart. I choose to have love, compassion and peace in my heart and by doing so I may be able to transform the Me-ness, I-ness of this one life into a more peaceful, loving, joyous experience. In doing so, in a small way, I can add positive energy to this world, paying it forward to others.

I have hope in myself, despite my fears and questions. I choose to have hope in humanity. I have hope that God; the one force above all that all world religions reach towards, that all individuals pray to for guidance and ask for help, I have hope that this God will reveal him/herself/it one day and that great love, truth, compassion, peace and true joy will manifest in all human hearts.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

On the eve of my soul's reconstruction : A Poem

center of gravity on my dysfunction

skyward trajectory of soul intention

my future, co-created invention

the pandoran box opened indigenous smoked blunt

I gaze, intent to a prophetic rising sun

onto a railway line headed for north

the best, mentioned intention put forth

fighting entropy i cling to the sound

one hand, is clapping it was edgy and profound

riding the moon circular path

rise to meet the summoned sage and her staff

a soul left to rise from amidst ash

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Futurespeakeasy : A Poem

when the mystical
becomes the conventional
when the phenomenal
becomes the liturgical
when the mysterial
becomes the spectacle

all bets are off, the dog track is closed
the mission of the mind is not fruitioned
no longer envisioned

beyond reason history revisioned
pawns of futurespeak society reimprisoned

slaves to electronic interface
mimic gods of war waxing and waning

pure critique of vast reason
orwell exhumation the grand illusion

surveillance culture rooted in watching
the whole-conscious market monitors
the unconscious behavior of the nickelodianized

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Coldplay acoustic version "Viva la Vida"

I just love this song and found this acoustic version on the wonderful Youtube, hope you like it too. Enjoy.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Frustration : A Poem of sorts

the faxing of documents lost in the piles
the calls made to voicemails lost in the dustbin
unreturned messages unresponded to follow ups
it's frustrated incorporated playing in my mind
the soul asylum song speaks to me in this time of irritation

asking for managers to make it right
transferred to departments only to be sent back again
tired by voice prompts to speak to a human being
only to find your fax is once again lost in the shuffle
this is happening over and over for a month or so

trying to keep cool amidst the mounting frustration
the patience depleted the to-do lists piling up
why can't it just go smoothly like water off the back
why can't it just run like swiss clocks and be on time like german trains
what the hell is happening i feel reduced to second class inhuman being

frustration, i beg of you
release yourself from this nagging grip
allow me to return to a positive path of progress
let me go stop holding me back i can no longer accept you
this poem marks the end of my relationship with you, goodbye frustration

Friday, February 20, 2009


I love the above photo of Waging Peace. What a concept in a world so riddled with conflict and problems. Is it really that hard for people to just get along with each other? It would seem that peaceful coexistence of people, nations and cultures would be the way to go and we could all sleep better knowing peace and less conflict were on the horizon. If the world leaders could focus more on peace than on conflict we would be on the right path.
We share one planet and humans all have much more in common than we have differences. Our diversity should be respected and revered, there is beauty in diversity. Instead of building more weapons we should be building bridges of friendship and good will towards one another. We are all interdependent on each other, we need one another. We need to put the "humane" back into Humanity. I sent out good vibes of positive intentions of peace and I hope you can do the same. If we all change our thinking and focus on peace instead of competition and conflict we can build a better world. Peace to you and to all of our fellow human beings.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Failed Communication : A Poem

tried to say it once, no response
so I sent a note
warning: please respond within 10 days or else
your name will be removed from the mailing list

so what are you trying to say you don't even know your audience
just lost thoughts on a page

alienation from your fellows your words

try and say it right
right a grammatical wrong
right that wrong, I'm now writing wrong, see! wrong
sent it out move it along

mass communique, patterns of meaningless ink on a page
yesterday is history, tommorow a mystery so enjoy today
listen to what this answering machine message says

keep plugging away, just can't wait to get away
with this obtuse ridden textual play
say it scream it mean it intone it bemoan it
scream it IT

pattern form emotion commotion word play
jumping around in the hay
no metaphors just somthing to convey

there's no escaping having something to say
one cannot not communicate today
a failed communication day

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

On Being Human : A Quote

"You must understand the whole of life, not just one little part of it. That is why you must read, that is why you must look at the skies, that is why you must sing and dance, and write poems and suffer and understand, for all that is life."

- Jiddu Krishnamurti, philosopher

Monday, February 16, 2009

Hope. Fear. Reality. : A Poem

Thesis. Antithesis. Synthesis.

desirous of so much
hopeful of grander things to come
wanting to leave one's mark on the world

afraid of so much
dreading a worsening situation ahead
not wanting to become a genetic time bomb

learning to accept what is
coming to terms with the harsh realities and treasured memories
being at peace within, accept that it is all meant to have been and become

Bob Mould, Egoverride video

This is one of my favorite songs by Bob Mould. If you are not familiar with Bob Mould check out his earlier works. He began in Minneapolis in a great band, Husker Du in the 80's. Later forming Sugar in the early nineties and he has had a solo career since. His latest cd "District Line" has just been released this month. Bob is multi-talented and has had a major influence on many post-punk bands. I have seen him in concert 3 times and can say he is one of the best performers around. Enjoy the video.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

San Franciso Impresssions : A Poem

alcatraz and golden gate set the mood

the hills and ocean a backdrop to fusion z00

crack zones

homeless homes

images and styles mixing and merging

cultures clashing

far from home

doc martin shoe wearing

anchor steam beer drinking

sour dough bread baking

kind of town

arts and homeless shopping carts

tourist traps and x-rated sex rats

freaks and industrial styled crap

sirens behind police traps

alcohol and good food

poets been street named

for all its problems and dark games

the city by the bay is not shamed

Friday, February 13, 2009

Friday the 13th : A New Concept

1. T
2. H
3. I
4. R
5. T
6. E
7. E
8. N
9. L
10. I
11. N
12. E
13. S

In commemoration of today, Friday the 13th, 2009: I post the above conceptual, self-referential idea in numbers and letters. If done on separate pieces of paper: there are also thirteen pages, each numbered from 1 to 13.
That was my original concept of the idea, created on pieces of paper. I originally had this idea back in 1994 and today's date made me recall the idea. Self-referential ideas and conceptual art have long been of interest to me. This sentence is dedicated to Friday the 13th, 2009. This second sentence refers back to the first sentence. ....BLOG is a four-lettered word....

Thursday, February 12, 2009

I need a bath : A poem

I heard on the radio the other day
that love is nothing more than a chemical bath of the brain

The brain becomes ensconced
with natural opiates and endorphins
and other "feel good" serotonin-like compounds

Love is reduced to a set of biochemical reactions through neural networks
a mere cerebral biological event

If this reductionist belief is in fact true

I'm feeling dirty

I need a bath

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Driving : A Poem


journeys to know where?

on a journey no destination in mind

the road becomes zenified

lit up in the night, trucks roar past


diesel explorations to somewhere

on a road trip caught up in the moment

the flow of speed rapid caught in the momentness

engines charging the sense of time fades


like motion unfettered by the wind

on a mind trip feeling endorphins kick in

the cerebral explorations as the mind wanders

stopping at truck stops to observe the night life


a healthy stock of alternative rock music to go

on a music kick jammin' out to an ethereal tune

the past is not so far behind moving into the future

diet coke keeps my adrenaline in motion with the lanes


a pure simple pleasure one only needs a set of wheels

on a map or driving blind deep into the sweet darkness

the window down smoke blowing out breathing in nicotine

i treasure the drive it is a blissful harmony highway

Web 2.0, blogging, tech aptitude, a lot to learn..

I have so much to learn. I am barely up to speed on RSS feeders, social bookmarking sites, gadgets, widgets, tag clouds, html code, API, OpenID and the other jargon creations of the blogosphere/internet. I am learning. It's a lot of fun actually. I have to say I am very much enjoying this blogging experience. It's growing on me. It could be my healthy addiction.

My creativity has been re-ignited and I feel more alive. The creative side of me was shut off for so long that it's as refreshing as cool water on my face to be blogging away. There is so much more to learn...I am just enjoying the ride. To you, my friendly and kind reader, thank you for your patience as I get fully up to speed with this new medium. It is definetely a work in progress. Like all things in life: it is a process and an evolutionary quest.

I added the Tag Cloud pictured above to show the diverse aspects of Web 2.0 that have grown over the past years throughout web technology. I need to let you know, I have this thing with Tag Clouds. I just love them and really want one on my blog. What an interesting graphical display of data. I'm still working on figuring out how to add one to the blog. Me wants Tag Cloud now! More on that later. Enjoy your day, I hope it is both happy and harmonious.
For now, I have SO much to learn...

Monday, February 9, 2009

The Youth Hosteler

Seeing the world

Half on the cheap, the other half

Well, that's from daddy's keep.

Consuming the low-end experience

Say, where are the cheap eats?

Australian, German's and UK's reign,

in this mobile wannabe chic, subculture strain

Six months on the road and they've seen it all man

Multi-cultural wanderer, no pretentions, sticking it to man

Black Doc Martins, earings, she walks down Bohemia Street

Just one more cigarette please..

Let's cruise the thrift shops for some cool used clothes

Don't wanna let on the money my family's got back in Brisbane

Need that transient, worn in, (I'm no Yuppie) gritty stance

Really, it's the cafe's, bars and discos where it's at

Hey, let's go to that bar Vesuvio's,

Where Jack Kerouac drank himself to death

Amtrak, Greyhound bus pass, travelers cheques and overgrown backpacks

obligatory journals and jeans stone-washed.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

It's a Textual Thing

It's a textual thing

U Wood Ent



Ode to the demise of the Typewriter

Words spill out the mind onto the electrified monitor screen virtually
The click clack days of the typewriter gone
The soft touch of the computer keyboard
Not giving way to the experiential, grit act of typing
A lost art in this world of speed, commerce and techno-mania

The typewriter was an instrument to be played, allowing a physical stream of consciousness
A physical act with live sound, fresh ink, clumsy sounds, a visceral dimension of sound and space

Changing empty sheets of typing paper, using correction fluid or white out
This process has been supplanted by the ease of backspacing, immediate deletion
In this easing of typing, this creature comfort, a huge loss has occured

The typewriter as medium is dead. The medium was the message. A medium gone
Thrown like so much into the dust bowl of history
Old typewriters now for sale in antique stores as cultural/technology relics of a communication past, an age gone, a demise

The evolution of communication moving at lighting speed
Leaving in its wake a lost machine of elegance and simplicity
The glory of the empty page of paper, the fresh ink, the key strokes, the sounds clacking, the clumsy
process of revision gone, supplanted by the ease of computer speed and efficiency

I want my old typewriter back. I wrote my college entrance esssays late at night on these relics
I wrote my first love letters there, I wrote my first poems at 2 am, worried the noise might awaken my father
I, caffeine driven dropped ashes from clove cigarettes onto the pages once, not fearing the destruction of a $1000 laptop

The IBM Selectric was my introduction into a creative realm, one I would lose myself in
as the words flowed from my mind onto a clean sheet awaiting creative production of ideas

I took great pleasure in seeing the fresh ink dry on the page
The very real text font of a typewriter gone. Replaced by replica new courier fonts of virtual ease
The text look of the typewriter is often used in graphic arts on packaging drawing the viewer back to a more simple time

Typing was a lot like painting with letters and word contruction
It has become virtual life, disconnected from the gut, electronically digitized
Desensitized, sanitized, futurized, electrified, homogenized, declassified

The computer keyboard makes it easy. Word processors make it fast. Spellchecks make it highly functional. No one speaks of this loss. Younger generations unaware of the beauty of typing on typewriters. Just as the joy of putting a vinyl lp on a phonograph, hearing that scratchy sound before a song lit up the speakers and room with edgy sound. The message is the medium

I want to march into the coffee house and plop down the clunky, heavy typewriter and begin cranking out noisy poems, filling the air with the crackle of words hitting the page not so softly
Annoying my latte drinking neighbors with the very real sound
of the creative freedom of ink

I miss you typewriter. I don't know exactly when you died Your slow fade much like the decline of the newspaper has been felt. I hope you reemerge one day. Appreciated again
I too have moved on to embrace the computer keyboard out of necessity and adaption to the present future reality. But I will not forget you. Your spirit lives on and I know I am not alone in my sense of loss

I am going to find one of you at a garage sale or flea market and have you bronzed and have another to use. Even though I might not be able to find an ink ribbon to use, I will play you as a musical instrument to hear your sound and fury Click, clack, hit the return and grind onward

Remember the typewriter? Recall the lost art? Do you ever miss the old machine?
If you do, "type" back a comment or reply virtually on your soft, computer screen in remembrance and in recognition of the machine that once revolutionized the art of communication.

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Periodic Disaffirmations : A Poem

Life. is. not. a. bowl. of. cherries.

We. are. not. affirming. ourselves.

This. is. not. a. personal. note. to. you.

Academic. poetry. this. is. not.

We. cannot. not. communicate.

You. do. not. live. in. a. vacuum. cleaner.

Prayer. is. not. the. most. effective. results. getter.

Big. business. does. not. have. a. human. face.

A. cure. for. cancer. is. not. a. real. priority.

Writing. poetry. is. not. about. corporate. ladders.

Language. is. not. about. reality.

I. am. not. Stuart. Smalley. or. Dale. Carnegie.

Tourism. isn't. about. quaint. cultures. and. postcards.

This. is. not. a. best. selling. self. help. poem.

The. world. is. not. becoming. a. better. place to. live.

Coca. Cola. isn't. about. quenching. thirst.

Life. isn't. conducive. to. self. actualization.

Friday, February 6, 2009

Word for the Day: Om

Om. This is my word and thought for the day. Meditate on this.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Ten Things I did not expound upon on my blog tonight

In contemplation of what to add to my blog today, Here are at least 10 things I considered expounding upon but decided not to. And I hope you like the photo above of a Chinese tea shop. It is quite an artform in China, preparing tea, known as Cha. Makes me want to get some whole leaf green tea and brew it up to get my dose of antioxidants to combat the carbon monoxide from the cigarette smoke.

1. Youtube video about Jack Kerouac's life. I found some real gems, including various people reading quotes from his book "On the Road" at his gravesite.
2. Youtube video showing J. Krishnamurti speak about his philosophical views, I was amazed by how many I was able to find online, absolutely amazed.
3. A discussion about the current "Great Recession" we are experiencing. The topic of how sad our present economic situation in the country is, is well, rather depressing and you can just turn on the news and get a blast of recession blues talk.
4. Quoting some poetry of William Carlos Williams. I was in Patterson, NJ once.
5. Venting about road raging hostile drivers in NJ. I am glad I have a break for a few days from the Not So Garden State. Would someone please require xanax for all drivers who can't control their emotions while driving.
6. See #3. How many more jobs were lost in the country today? Can you say scary?
7. I now understand what a Troll is. It is real techie term. Trolls are people who disturb the peace by posting innapropriately nasty comments on blogs or online, usually anonymously. They hide in the shadows of anonymity. I have installed Trollbuster TGard 4.0 on my blog to help this problem. It's a free shareware. Ok, not really.
8. Is the top of the newer Comcast Building in Philadelphia complete? It is now the tallest building in Philadelphia and is quite impressive but from a distance the top section of the building has a rather unfinished look. Please advise as to it's completion or is it still under construction?
9. Youtube videos by Bob Mould. I was going to put up the video for the song Egooveride. I decided it probably does not have mass appeal and I'm one of 347 people who watched it in the past month and you probably would not enjoy it. However, I like it.
10. I decided that I used to be indecisive, but now I'm just not so sure.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

From "Lost in Translation", Just Like Honey

This video is from the final scene of the movie, "Lost in Translation", one of my favorites. The final scene concludes with Bill Murray on his way back to the Tokyo airport with the song "Just Like Honey" playing, by the band Jesus and Mary Chain. It is a great song from a great movie and soundtrack. I just love the bright lights and neon-mania in the commercialized night sky of Tokyo. I was in Tokyo once, on the way to Thailand. I only got to see the airport. The airport terminal was incredibly smoke filled, I seriously thought that everyone in Japan must smoke cigarettes. The video may inspire you to check out the movie or the great music by the Jesus and Mary Chain.

Monday, February 2, 2009

Today's reflections, live from Delaware

Here I am again, at Starbucks. I had the pleasure of relaxing with my friend John, we chatted and had some java. I have been trying to put together a post about one of my favorite writers/philosophers/thinkers J. Krishnamurti. I just can't seem to pull together my thoughts and where to begin in discussing his expansive ideas. I began reading some of his works in college and have been a fan ever since. I don't subsribe to his school of thought but find it interesting and very thought provoking. Be on the look out soon for a post or two, or three, about Krishnamurti. If you want to get a head start Wikipedia has a great entry about him.

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. Many scattered thoughts from my scattered mind. I borrowed the new Collective Soul cd from the library, "Afterwords". I really like it. The more obscure songs are better than the pop song "Hollywood" which I can't believe is one of their songs, I think it has two chords and is shallow indeed. Why is it there are so few truly great full length cd's anymore that are good from beginning to end? I believe bands like U2, Pink Floyd, REM and others have mastered the art of the great cd. Many other bands just can't seem to pull off the "Great Album" all around. I find myself often dissapointed by new cd's by many artists that have 2 or 3 good tunes but the rest is mediocre. Are you finding this to be true too? What is the last cd you have purchased that is great beginning to end? I want to know so I too can listen to it.

Career thought keep plaguing my mind. I still have this feeling that I missed my callings in life. Why am I not a best-selling non-fiction writer? Why am I not a college Professor of Philosophy or Political Science? The "why am I not's" list goes on. Do most people feel this way? Percentage wise, how many people have truly found their "calling" in life as far as life's work or career? I envy such people. They are either really lucky or just really smart to have followed their gut instinct as to what they should be doing and followed their passion to fruition. Some people just seem so cut out for their chosen profession, so happy with it that work is like play for them. I like the phrase "make your vocation your vacation".

I have yet to achieve such a grand performance. It must be so peaceful to arise each day and just know you are doing what you are meant to do. Are you one of those fortunate people? Did you just know from youth what you were meant to be in life? Clue me in about this secret so many have not been blessed with. I don't think little Jimmy awoke at the age of twelve and said "I got it! I really want to be an insurance adjuster or I got it! I really want to dwell in a cubicle and be miserable for 30 years filling out forms and juggling 30 voicemails and dealing with incorrible coworkers! I got it! I really want to drudge through life at something I hate.

But the flipside to all this is that every job is necessary. We need all jobs filled. Not everyone is meant to be the great author, news anchor, rock star, celebrity. We need people to fill the less than glamorous positions. And I'm sure there are many in humble professions that feel at peace with their position in life. Perhaps that is the key, finding peace in whatever one does, however noble, humble or dull it is. But I just can't see how so many high-stress jobs can be viewed as "this is the place I'm meant to be". Which is worse, extreme boredom in a job or overwhelming... I need 3 xanax to get by... stressful jobs. I have even found that I in practice prefer being challenged but secretly wish for peaceful boredom, knowing I am not taxing myself to the max to earn a living. Which would you choose, extreme boredom or massive stressure...that combination of stress and pressure?

I am about to pop open a Diet-Coke for my fix of nutrisweet laiden nectar of the gods! It is a sweet vice. There are worse things to be addicted to than diet soda for sure. And yes, I am pairing this sweet, cold beverage with a nicotine stick as I type. It is a form of flow and bliss..supported by the caffeine and nicotine. And yet in my gut I know this smoking thing has just got to go at some point. But I'm not ready to quit, I'm enjoying it too much and it helps me get through life. The carcinogenic crutch is devious in it's seduction. I am procrastinating in quiting. I am putting it off. I know what I need to do but just like getting to the gym it's just a hell of a time getting motivated and following through. I ask God for assistance but I need to do it, no one else is going to do it for me. I just don't want to enter the dreaded withdrawl symptoms phase of quiting. It sucks, I know from many experiences.

These are my thoughts for today. We all fight our daily battles in life, carrying around the things we wish to change. It just seems that as I age the list is getting longer and the tasks seem more daunting. I will say the much said prayer for strength and courage to make positive changes.

I wish you a great, happy, stress-free day of joy. It's Monday so that may be hard. But I am sending out a prayer of well wishes and positive intentions to you. I am still searching for myself, I've sent out search parties far and wide and hope to find my calling and niche very soon. If you find this truth in your fortune cookie wisdom please post a comment to me with this wisdom. Reporting Live from the first State of Delaware, this is C. Dylan, the searching soul. Peace to you.