Today's reflections, live from Delaware

Here I am again, at Starbucks. I had the pleasure of relaxing with my friend John, we chatted and had some java. I have been trying to put together a post about one of my favorite writers/philosophers/thinkers J. Krishnamurti. I just can't seem to pull together my thoughts and where to begin in discussing his expansive ideas. I began reading some of his works in college and have been a fan ever since. I don't subsribe to his school of thought but find it interesting and very thought provoking. Be on the look out soon for a post or two, or three, about Krishnamurti. If you want to get a head start Wikipedia has a great entry about him.

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. Many scattered thoughts from my scattered mind. I borrowed the new Collective Soul cd from the library, "Afterwords". I really like it. The more obscure songs are better than the pop song "Hollywood" which I can't believe is one of their songs, I think it has two chords and is shallow indeed. Why is it there are so few truly great full length cd's anymore that are good from beginning to end? I believe bands like U2, Pink Floyd, REM and others have mastered the art of the great cd. Many other bands just can't seem to pull off the "Great Album" all around. I find myself often dissapointed by new cd's by many artists that have 2 or 3 good tunes but the rest is mediocre. Are you finding this to be true too? What is the last cd you have purchased that is great beginning to end? I want to know so I too can listen to it.

Career thought keep plaguing my mind. I still have this feeling that I missed my callings in life. Why am I not a best-selling non-fiction writer? Why am I not a college Professor of Philosophy or Political Science? The "why am I not's" list goes on. Do most people feel this way? Percentage wise, how many people have truly found their "calling" in life as far as life's work or career? I envy such people. They are either really lucky or just really smart to have followed their gut instinct as to what they should be doing and followed their passion to fruition. Some people just seem so cut out for their chosen profession, so happy with it that work is like play for them. I like the phrase "make your vocation your vacation".

I have yet to achieve such a grand performance. It must be so peaceful to arise each day and just know you are doing what you are meant to do. Are you one of those fortunate people? Did you just know from youth what you were meant to be in life? Clue me in about this secret so many have not been blessed with. I don't think little Jimmy awoke at the age of twelve and said "I got it! I really want to be an insurance adjuster or I got it! I really want to dwell in a cubicle and be miserable for 30 years filling out forms and juggling 30 voicemails and dealing with incorrible coworkers! I got it! I really want to drudge through life at something I hate.

But the flipside to all this is that every job is necessary. We need all jobs filled. Not everyone is meant to be the great author, news anchor, rock star, celebrity. We need people to fill the less than glamorous positions. And I'm sure there are many in humble professions that feel at peace with their position in life. Perhaps that is the key, finding peace in whatever one does, however noble, humble or dull it is. But I just can't see how so many high-stress jobs can be viewed as "this is the place I'm meant to be". Which is worse, extreme boredom in a job or overwhelming... I need 3 xanax to get by... stressful jobs. I have even found that I in practice prefer being challenged but secretly wish for peaceful boredom, knowing I am not taxing myself to the max to earn a living. Which would you choose, extreme boredom or massive stressure...that combination of stress and pressure?

I am about to pop open a Diet-Coke for my fix of nutrisweet laiden nectar of the gods! It is a sweet vice. There are worse things to be addicted to than diet soda for sure. And yes, I am pairing this sweet, cold beverage with a nicotine stick as I type. It is a form of flow and bliss..supported by the caffeine and nicotine. And yet in my gut I know this smoking thing has just got to go at some point. But I'm not ready to quit, I'm enjoying it too much and it helps me get through life. The carcinogenic crutch is devious in it's seduction. I am procrastinating in quiting. I am putting it off. I know what I need to do but just like getting to the gym it's just a hell of a time getting motivated and following through. I ask God for assistance but I need to do it, no one else is going to do it for me. I just don't want to enter the dreaded withdrawl symptoms phase of quiting. It sucks, I know from many experiences.

These are my thoughts for today. We all fight our daily battles in life, carrying around the things we wish to change. It just seems that as I age the list is getting longer and the tasks seem more daunting. I will say the much said prayer for strength and courage to make positive changes.

I wish you a great, happy, stress-free day of joy. It's Monday so that may be hard. But I am sending out a prayer of well wishes and positive intentions to you. I am still searching for myself, I've sent out search parties far and wide and hope to find my calling and niche very soon. If you find this truth in your fortune cookie wisdom please post a comment to me with this wisdom. Reporting Live from the first State of Delaware, this is C. Dylan, the searching soul. Peace to you.